Sexy Wraith
by MandarinBlues
Summary: A Lantean scientist falls for and tries to seduce the wraith prisoner, something that others find a little disturbing...


This is meant to be for humor only. No, it will not be canon and such, so please no "No one would ever do that!" or "This story doesn't make sense!", etc. etc. I love reviews and constructive criticism!

Doctor Parrish is a very silly woman who is infatuated with the wraith prisoner. When others find out about her love for him, things get hilarious!!

I do not own SGA or its characters, only Parrish and wraith Sam.

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"My God, you are handsome!"

*stare*

"Oh, come on! Talk! Stop glaring at me like that! You talk to Sheppard don't you? Ooooh, I get it. You waitin' for a little eye candy ain't cha! Well…umph…let me push the girls up a little! Ah! There! See? Natural D's!"

*stare*

"Hm? Not enough? Maybe if I jiggle them a bit! Ah! Interested now?"

*stare*

At that moment, the doors to the room swished open and Colonel Sheppard walked toward the holding cell. He sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt the beginnings of a migraine starting to come on.

"Doctor? Um…what are you doing? Don't you need permission from Woolsey to be down here? And why in heaven's name are you jiggling your, um, _assets_, at the prisoner? They eat us, ya know." The doctor was in front of the cell previously trying out suggestive poses. After hearing Sheppard walk in, she quickly fixed her partially unbuttoned shirt and brushed a few strands of her medium length black hair behind her ears.

Doctor Tammy Parrish sharply looked up at Colonel Sheppard, stunned to have been caught showing off to the prisoner. She had only been on Atlantis for a couple of months, and as a biologist, was thrilled to learn about the aliens encountered in Pegasus. Well, she had been thrilled to learn that alien life existed, _period_. She couldn't believe that the stories about the government hiding alien information were true! So, when she was contacted by the military for her expertise, she jumped at the opportunity to join the expedition.

"Ah! Colonel! It is you! Well, you see sir, I was just, um, doing a little _research_. I know my research methods are a little unorthodox, but I believe me, this is just the experimentation part of my theory. I wanted to see if my direct methods of encountering the, um, subject, would work, and…"

"Which is why you snuck into this room without proper authorization?"

"Well, um, you see…"Tammy stammered. "Look, Colonel, I am being truthful. We know so little about this species; it would probably do us well to learn more about them! You know, how they live, how they think, cultural taboos, types of entertainment, mating rituals…"

"So…you think…that it will do the entire expedition and all the people of Earth and the Pegasus galaxy some good to learn how to date Sam? Or maybe to score Todd's seven digits?"

The prisoner, growing weary of the interaction, quickly interjected. "Colonel Sheppard…I don't know what you humans think by bringing this woman here to…seduce me…but it does not stimulate me in any way! The only thing I…want, is to _feed_ on every single human in this city!" *looking lustfully at Tammy* "Starting with her. She is practically begging to be fed upon!"

"Aha!" Tammy knew she had it! "See, Colonel! The wraith, well, at least the males, _are_ sexually aroused by human women! My hypothesis is correct after all!" As Tammy gave herself a pat on the back, Sam tried desperately to set things straight.

"Sheppard! Surely you do not believe her! It is obvious that the woman is clearly out of her mind. In the hive, we wraith tend to…abandon feeble minded females such as herself. I would never take a human woman as a mate!"

Tammy frowned a bit at being called feeble minded. "Why wouldn't you take a human woman as a mate, Sam? You seemed to be enjoying the show earlier. Ah! Maybe disinterest in a potential partner is an evolutionary trait in the wraith. It shows strength and power and superiority and…"

"Come on Doc Parrish. Maybe Doctor Keller or maybe even _McKay _would be interested in your "theories" in the infirmary." Sheppard grabbed and hooked onto her arm as he forcefully dragged her away from the holding cell, giving a warning glare to the wraith as he walked out of the room. "Oh, and Doc. Don't let this happen again. If it does, I am certainly certain that I will have to inform Woolsey of your "escapades".

"Okay, okay! Sheesh! As I told you, it was purely scientific in nature! You don't really believe that I was trying to seduce him? I mean, Sam's a wraith! Look at him! He has gold eyes, white old-man hair, and have you seen his pupils! I like my pupils round, thank you very much! Wraith are NOT my cup of tea!" Tammy stated smugly, thinking Sheppard would actually believe her.

"Ha! I heard the conversation you had with Teyla and Keller a couple of days ago. You seemed to prefer cat-eyed men then." Sheppard remarked as he saw the shock on Tammy's face.

-----------------

_Five Days Earlier _

"_Oh my God! Jennifer! You are still up here working? Don't you want to go get lunch with me and Teyla?" Tammy was desperate to get Keller to stop working on the retrovirus. She knew it was for the greater good, but she didn't want her newest friend on Atlantis to get burned out! "Come on Jen! They have chicken piccata! My fav!"_

"_Yes, Doctor Keller. Doctor Parrish is right. Some time off would be good. You will not be able to perfect your research if your body is too weary." Teyla added in._

_Jennifer was about to decline their offer, but decided to accept as her stomach decided to growl loudly at that moment. "Haha! Okay, I guess I should take some time off to refuel. I have to wait to get more live tissue samples before I start again anyways. John says he will allow me to obtain more around two this afternoon."_

"_Live…tissue samples? So that is why you keep Sam down there!" Tammy exclaimed, finally figuring out Sam's purpose since she first saw him a month before. "You know Jen. I have never seen an alien," *looks at Teyla* "well, non-human alien, before and I gotta say, those wraith are mighty fine!"_

_At this comment, Teyla chokes on some water that she had been drinking. Jennifer looks at Tammy wide-eyed, almost like a fish out of water._

"_What?! Tammy, what are you talking about? Do you know what Sheppard, heck, what RONON would say if they heard you say that? No, they can't help that they have a…specific dietary requirement, but romancing them!"_

"_I agree with Doctor Keller, Doctor Parrish. The wraith are, well, it is just not something that should be discussed."_

_Tammy had to roll her eyes at her friends' comments. "Come on, I said they were attractive. Well, at least the one that I have actually seen. I never said I wanted to marry him. Imagine taking him home to meet the folks. I mean, did you SEE him? His eyes were so striking! I have never seen eyes that color before! And his skin! It was green, just like the Martians in those cartoons! Then there is the way he acts. His posture is so…strict. Strict and haughty like a well trained soldier. It is kinda funny actually."_

_Jennifer and Teyla just stared at her._

"_Well" Jennifer choked out "I guess some are alright. Todd was okay, you know, in a strictly platonic way, before he thought we betrayed him and all of his people. I found conversing with him…comforting, deep, and meaningful. It was nice to be able to get advice from such a, well…such an ancient…well of wisdom. Oh, and he is tall. I like tall men."_

_Teyla couldn't believe them. Have their ancestors cursed them with blindness? Sure, maybe one wraith helped them, but she could never see Todd or others of his kind as attractive. Especially since she didn't trust Todd since he almost had her killed when she became the new primary queen._

"_Well. Maybe the women of Earth need the herbal healer to monitor their eyesight routinely. But, never mind this "fine wraith" business. Tammy, you said you liked this "chicken piccata"? What is it exactly?"_

_The three friends began walking out of the infirmary as Tammy began to yap on about the previous subject. _

"_But Teyla! I swear! I bet he has nice calves. Oooh! Jen! What if he has calves like those Brazilian soccer players! Whooo!"_

_Unbeknownst to them, Sheppard stood behind the corner, listening to every detail. He had originally came to tell Keller that she could go get some more samples from the wraith a couple of hours earlier than scheduled, but couldn't resist listening in on the "girl talk"._

"_What is she crazy?" Sheppard stood pondering the women's conversation. "Wraith don't have soccer player legs!"_

_--------------_

_End Flashback _


End file.
